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Lost for Words

 

Talking to Friends and Family about Race and Racism in the UK

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  • Home
  • Where to Start
  • Most Popular
  • Discussions
  • Personal Experiences
  • Resources
  • Opinions
  • How to Help
  • About Us
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    • Where to Start

      First time using Lost for Words? Start here...

      Option 1: SOS

       

      Use this option if you are coming to this website in the middle of a difficult conversation and need an answer to a particular question, or you have seen or heard someone say something racially problematic and need to find facts or healthy ways to respond.

      • Start with Frequently Asked Questions
      • Try the search feature.
      • If there is no information on your subject, please contact us to submit a question. We may not be able to answer the question directly, but it will help us to build the website further.

       

      LFW HOT TIP: Something we found really useful was exploring logical fallacies and how to spot things people use as a distraction from the real debate.

       

       

      Option 2: Self-teaching or learning together

       

      If you are here to get more information for yourself or during a conversation with others who want to help, that’s great! We have found it helps to think and talk about:

       

      • Personal experiences of racism in the UK.

      • Examples of productive, calm, rational discussions.

      • Why it’s difficult to think and talk about race, particularly for white people. A lot of this is down to the ‘world view’ we all hold. It is explained well in this comic. For those who want to delve deeper into feelings around race, see Dr Robin DiAngelo’s explanation in this video or her book ‘White Fragility’.

      • What ‘systemic racism’ is. There is a really simple video here, which seems to be designed for kids, but we love it as a starting point.

      • Logical fallacies about racism.

      • Myth-busting, and answers to common questions using FAQs (bottom of this page) or the search feature.

       
       

      Option 3: Getting ready to talk to a friend or loved one

       

      If you are preparing yourself for what you think might be a difficult conversation, or to challenge another person’s racist beliefs or actions, exploring everything in option 2 is a good place to start. You should also think about how you are going to protect yourself, your mental health and your relationships. Our best advice is to know your limits. This means a few things to us, for example:

       

      1. Pick your battles. Choose wisely when, where and how to start difficult conversations.

       

      2. Recognise when you’re (not) needed. In a group setting or online, only contribute when you can add something useful. This avoids the feeling of 'ganging up'.

       

      3. Stick to facts. Recognise your strengths and weaknesses in terms of knowledge and be open about them.

       

      4. Know when to stop or pause. These conversations can be difficult for everyone involved. Often you may need to ‘agree to disagree’, but know that this is not the same as giving up. You will have left them with lots to think about already and many people need time to themselves to really consider another person’s point of view.

       

      5. Don’t lose your cool and/or insult people. Most people ‘switch off’ or become defensive when they detect anger.

       

      6. Don’t feed the trolls! Often people on the internet just enjoy being antagonistic or ‘stirring’ for fun. Sometimes it takes a while to recognise a troll, but as soon as you do DO NOT give them the satisfaction. Block and ignore them.

       

      7. Let people leave their racist past in the past if they are trying to do better. In our experience, people in this situation are already struggling with the shame of knowing how they may have acted in the past and, in our opinion, adding to it by bringing it up is unnecessarily mean.

      Frequently Asked Questions About the Website:

      FAQ: Why isn’t there a comment section?

       

      We have chosen not to allow comments because we know how matters related to race can attract ‘trolls’ who like to write controversial comments for fun. This website isn’t heavily monitored and is meant to be a safe space. We are very happy for you to share things to your own social media for you and your friends to comment on, and there is the option to email us if you have a genuine burning question that has not been covered.

    • Frequently Asked Questions About Race and Racism:

      Please note this section is a work in progress and will expand as more people email us questions. Click the question to see the answer.

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