My first post bringing up BLM with my Facebook friends on June 5th 2020:
I haven’t really been sure what to say and how to say it but I think some people need to hear it so here goes.
A few years ago I read Reni Eddo-Lodge’s ‘Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race’. I learned about the systemic and institutional racism that goes on today, in the UK and I was so angry. I was angry with myself and others - enough to question my friendships and my relationship. I even ended friendships, not being sure exactly why until I looked at it in retrospect. I had learned that by not being actively and vocally anti-racist, as someone who despite being mixed race and considering myself both black and white has the privilege of not appearing black, I was complicit.
Racism for me has been a regular subject of conversation ever since I was little. I listened to my dad’s stories and warnings and was expecting it to hit me in the face as I got older. But it didn’t happen, so I stopped waiting for it and felt safe, like things were steadily getting better on their own whilst I was wrapped up in my privilege. Supporting white supremacy on the bottom level of the pyramid.
What was most frustrating for me was having looked at the world from this angle and not being able to articulate it properly. Watching other people’s emotional, skeptical, defensive attitudes when I spoke about it was enough to send me into an angry sob, so I became very quiet and careful about who I brought it up with and how.
This has been a really difficult subject for me for a long time, and it’s good to see so many people learning and acknowledging.
It’s ok to start now. It’s not bandwagon jumping it’s doing the right thing. Leave your shame in the past and educate yourself because there is room in this movement for everyone.
- Jaya
